Speechless

Sometimes life just really, really sucks. You search and search for the good in a certain situation, you try your hardest, you think of everything you can possibly think of, until finally, you just decide the only thing you can do is scream as loud as you can and pound your fists against your forgiving pillow.

Inside I think to myself that I'm a Christian and I know God loves me so everything should be okay. Unfortunately, I just can't accept that. The truth is, sometimes it's hard to be a Christian. The road to Jesus is a narrow one and it can be challenging at times. Matthew 7:13 says "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many who enter through it." It's safe to say that in my family, the road to Jesus is the teeniest of paths, and on the outside are relentless challengers. Needless to say, this is one of those times I'm a little bit discouraged in my faith and just don't know what to say.

Matthew tells the Followers of Jesus to ask, seek and knock. (Matthew 7:7-8) "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Our God is a merciful and giving God. He desires to make us full, to overflow our cup. It is us who allows Satan to tempt us. It is us who denies Him. The Lord is at my door, and it is up to me to ask, seek, and knock.

These last couple weeks have been tough for me. It's hard to deal with life sometimes, just life. And even though I don't like having to constantly defend my faith to my closest friends and family, God requires it of me. And I know that His strength is greater than anything anyone can throw at me. I can handle it. I was crafted by the Creator of this world and His strength is in me. I leave you with the words of a song entitled "All Thy Fullness" by a very talented Hope College student. The lyrics have continued to push me these last months when I have felt like my insides are crumbling. Praise be to God. He is good.

I am breaking, You are building
I am empty, You are filling
In my silence, You are speaking
In my dying, everliving

Holy, holy
God Almighty
All thy fullness
Here beside me